Topic: Anger
Hosts: Milo Curtis, Dave Ambrose, Patty McCaulay
Contact us at podcast@justlife.tv
Episode Synopsis
In this episode we look back on to the comments in Episode 2 and take time to discuss them. Ryan & Dave brought out some really good points that we discussed with one another. We also shared that you can now receive JustLife.tv podcast update alerts in your email! You can Click HERE to subscribe
Comments Mentioned in the Podcast
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April 5, 2008 at 4:45 am |
Hey, guys. How fun is that to co-inspire a podcast! As usual, it was enjoyable. However, you took the conversation further in the direction that I objected to.
You’re allowed to do that, of course, but you’re going to get some additional discussion from my side of things. So, the discussion continues . . . . I wish I could do this in person. It would be so much easier than having to type it all out. I’ll limit myself. Please forgive me if I have misunderstood you or only partially deal with your actual words. 
As you said, different personalities deal with anger differently, but you can’t put that on everybody else. True, but I didn’t really get the sense that most of what was said in the podcast allows for that. My way of thinking about it allows for some instances of anger to be motivated by fear and other instances of anger to be motivated by concern for truth or justice. That’s all I was looking for from you—to make room for people to be motivated by other things than fear. I would also say that sometimes concern for right and wrong can be accompanied by other concerns or fears without being actually motivated by fear. The fact that fear is present doesn’t mean it should automatically be labeled as the root emotion. In fact, that’s one assumption that needs to be proven: there is no deeper emotion than fear—fear can’t be one motive side-by-side on equal footing with other motives. I think fear is one of many possible motives for anger or any other emotion or behavior. When fear is present, it is possible that it is not the only or root emotion.
Maybe fear needs to be defined. Fear is not the same as concern, and if you can substitute the word “concern” for the word “fear” to fully describe a feeling, you are not speaking of true fear. Fear isn’t wanting Situation A rather than Situation B. It is a particular response—feeling frightened, freaked out beyond mere “concern.” It is also not the same as wanting to act to bring about a good situation rather than a bad one. And the possibility for fear is not actual fear. Fear is a feeling that is experienced when one is face to face with a threatening situation. Fear doesn’t count unless it’s actual—unless it’s felt. And when people are afraid about hypothetical situations they are called paranoid. Not everyone is paranoid, and not everyone is motivated by fear.
Let’s take Milo’s anger about Andrew’s misbehaving, for example. He said he was afraid of being perceived as a bad father. But if Andrew was misbehaving in the same way in private would he still discipline him? I think he would because he’s concerned about right and wrong, righteousness and sin, and proper character development in his son. If my guess is correct, and Milo would discipline him in either scenario, then the one constant is the motive of justice and love for his son, not the motive of fear. In Milo’s example fear could be an added motive, not necessarily the root motive.
If one wanted to broaden and water-down the definition of fear to mean “concern” or “wanting good states of affairs to exist rather than bad ones”, one could say that all actions are motivated by fear. Someone could feel justified in claiming that all people who don’t like the idea of being alone and do like the idea of being married are only getting married out of fear of being alone. For some people fear is the motive (or one of the motives) for getting married. But other people are motivated by love to get married. A person might say that hypothetically speaking, if he were 32 and unmarried he’d be afraid of being alone all his life, but since he got married at 22 he never had the opportunity to actually experience such a fear. Since the fear was only potential and never felt, it was never a motive and it doesn’t count. It’s the same for anger.
Milo hit on something when he brought up the fact that Jesus got angry but wasn’t afraid of anything. God got angry many times in the Old Testament, but it’s not possible for God to be afraid of anyone or anything because He’s omnipotent, omniscient, and sovereign. Humans are made in God’s image (we have some of God’s qualities), and are restored in His image through His transforming grace. Therefore, from a biblical perspective it is possible to have the same motives for anger that God has: concern for truth and righteousness. Perfect love casts out fear—not fear of God, properly understood, but fear of everything else. Christianity teaches that it is possible to not be motivated by fear, and to have righteous anger (which, by definition excludes fear). I think if we make fear the main thing–even deeper than pride, selfishness, or love as motives–we’re not operating with a biblical understanding of man, sin, or the results of sanctification (broadly understood).
A word on psychology—it usually stacks the deck against people. It usually, if not always, assigns bad motives to behaviors, and it assumes everyone is the same. It refuses to accept evidence that proves it wrong, and assumes it knows an individual better than he or she knows himself or herself. That’s pretty shady. If I claim to have done honest self-examination and have found that I am not motivated by fear or selfishness, that evidence is dismissed as lies or self-delusion. That’s not science. That’s deciding the outcome before looking at the evidence and plugging your ears and shutting your eyes when evidence is presented. I like some psychology stuff, but I think a lot of it is bunk.
As for me, I apologize for the way I characterized myself. I didn’t anticipate your interpretation of it. So here’s the truth: I can’t say I’ve never ever in my whole life gotten so angry that logic went out the window. As a kid I had a temper and completely lacked the self-control to stop myself from slugging my sister in the arm when she would intentionally push my buttons to get me in trouble. In my adult life (since high school), I can’t recall a time so far when I’ve been angry to the point of losing control of myself and being completely illogical. In fact, most of the time when I get angry these days it usually involves me saying, “But it’s the principle of the thing! You can’t condemn stealing a car, but be OK with stealing a cookie!” or something like that. Or by people promoting lies or sin. Or by someone making plans with me, then knowingly making other plans with someone else and ditching me with no apology or explanation as though that’s good and acceptable behavior. (The friendship in that case was in no danger from anyone but me–until I forgave and got over it.)
That’s all. I’m anxiously awaiting the next podcast. You’re doing a great job. Thanks for the interaction!
April 11, 2008 at 6:22 pm |
I just saw a Sunday School poster on different kinds of anger and how to manage each one. Of course I thought of the podcast here. I thought I’d post the different kinds of anger (or sources of anger?) for your consideration.
1. Fear-based anger
2. Righteous anger
3. Immaturity (the description makes it sound like bossiness and pride)
4. Sadness in disguise
5. Bitterness